tHE GIRLFRIEND-BOYFRIEND RELATIONSHIP
"In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not."
By Amatullah Islam
PART 1 - Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship
Zina (fornication) has become a common place occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under 'lock and key'. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of "no boyfriend" when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?
The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.
In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.
At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or 'an affair'. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, and sexual diseases - the list goes on. We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage: Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." [Bukhari and Muslim]. In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death [Muslim]. But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished - he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times [Muslim]. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].
At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them [Ahmad] and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.
Something else we must teach them is to restrain their desires. We can do so by giving them examples of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon:
Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].
Below are more points on how to help your child, at an early age, to be chaste so that when he/she is older, he/she can avoid getting into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.
You must teach him or her to:
1. Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.
2. Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting their eyes as Allah tells us: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts..." [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "...do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi]. What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust. [Bukhari]
3. For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahatma. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) "...do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you..." [33:32]
4. Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear Hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with T-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashion clothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.
5. It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) was more shy than a virgin in her own room. [Bukhari] If we instill this into them at an early age then, Insha' Allah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed. Then, when they are older, and with help from us, they will begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called 'the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship'.
PART 2 - How to deal with a Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship?
In the last article the author talked about taking preventative measures to ensure that when your child is older, he or she will not be caught in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. However, if your child is already a teenager or those methods did not work, and you are now facing this dilemma, there is still hope of rectifying it. Most parents react with extremity upon discovering that their daughter is in a girlfriend-boyfriend situation: they lock her in her room and forbid her to see the boy again. What would be the reaction from the girl when she is faced with this? She would rebel. That is, she would do the opposite of what the parents say and, in extreme cases, run away from home. If this is not how parents want it to end, they must tread lightly. Do everything with a light touch because teenagers respond better to it. At any signs of heavy-handedness, teenagers rebel.
The first step in any bridge-building is to talk. Calmly talk to your daughter to understand why she is having a boyfriend.
What led to this?
There are many reasons why girls seek out boys. The first culprit that parents point the accusing finger at, is the girl's raging hormones. This may be true in some girls but not all. There are girls who have raging hormones but who can control themselves, and then there are girls who do not have raging hormones but who still pursue the opposite sex.
Therefore, what are some other possible reasons for the girl's behavior?
Peer pressure is one. When all her friends and school mates have boyfriends, she feels compelled to follow suit. If she does not have a boyfriend of her own then she feels left out because she cannot fit in with their after school activities and cannot join in their conversations. What makes it worse is that everyone will see her as a "geek".
Another reason is if she is undertaking a popularity contest. She competes with other girls in attaining as many boyfriends as she can to see who will be the popularity queen. These contests also occur because it is seen that only popular girls have boyfriends. Boredom often drives a girl into the arms of a boy. She sees her life as monotonous and so searches for thrill and excitement with the boy. Or perhaps her self-esteem is low, so she depends on him to make her feel desirable and wanted.
Yet another reason is that she needs to be loved. She seeks her parents love but cannot access it, therefore, she seeks it elsewhere. Similar to this is if she is seeking her parents attention. She defies them in seeking a boyfriend so that she can have their attention. Any attention to her is better than no attention. The difference between the need for love and the need for attention is that the former does it passively. If she cannot get it from her parents then she goes elsewhere. Whereas the latter demands it from her parents. There could be other reasons or the reasons could be a combination of the above. However, whatever the reason or reasons may be, parents need to identify and understand it. This is easier than it sounds as parents have a tendency of triggering their daughters to clam up.
How to approach them?
When parents talk, care needs to be taken so as not to become accusative ("You did this to...") and judgmental ("You are so..."), otherwise it will end up like a police interrogation ("Why did you...?"). This only adds to their daughter's defiance. Also, to keep her self-esteem intact, avoid using "should", "don't" and all other negative words. Talking effectively also means to know when to listen. This includes not only hearing but understanding. To understand what has been said, parents need to clarify it ("Do you mean...?"), acknowledge it ("You feel... because...") and empathize with it ("You sound really..."). When the teenager feels that her parents understand her, she will be encouraged to confide in them and explain why she does things and how she feels about it. And as I said earlier, by understanding, parents will get the full picture and will then know which appropriate action to take. Also, if parents want to be listened to by their children, they need to model good listening skills. Children tend to do as parents do rather than as parents say. So now is always a good time to start practicing these skills.
Insecurity
Looking closer at the above reasons, parents will see that the underlying factor is that the girl feels insecure about herself. Her self-esteem is low and so she relies on the boy to make her feel good about herself. The root of falling into the trap of peer-pressures, popularity contests, the need to be wanted and loved, and to have attention, is insecurity. If this is the case then give her the love and attention that she needs. Show and tell her that you love her despite her "bad" behaviors, and yet you will not tolerate them. Teach her how to feel good about herself and her religion. Build her self-esteem by acknowledging her good behaviors and achievements or her attempts to achieve (and not focusing on failures). Assign her challenging tasks and stimulating activities. This also applies to the bored daughter.
Take her to teenage Islamic gatherings and camps. Encourage her to make new Muslim friends. As to the one with raging hormones who cannot control herself, ask her if she would like to marry (but do not force it upon her).
Certainly, remind her that it is the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship that cannot be approved and teach her (again) about Islam's position with regards to this. Lastly, provide Muslim role models for her. Stories about those women who guard their chastity and piety are rewarded for doing so. Maryam, mother of Prophet Eesa (a.s), is one great example.
Don't forget about the boys
Having taken care of the daughter, I will now focus attention on the son. It is ironical that parents react as if there is a death in the family when their daughter engages in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. But when it is the son who is in a similar or worse position, the same parents are complacent,. feel that the boy needs to have experience and enjoy himself first before he can settle down and marry. It is as if the daughter alone carries the honor of the family.
Honor needs to be distributed evenly among the family if it is to be kept intact. This means the father, mother, son and daughter must each guard their own honor. If the father or mother loses his or her honor then they are providing the role model for their children. And if the son loses his honor and goes unpunished then the daughter will see this as a hypocritical act and consequently rebels. For any mediating action to work on the daughter, parents must be consistent on their son as well. Look to the reasons why girls pursue boys then parents will see that those are the same ones that propel boys into the arms of girls.
Abu-Mujahid
Rabu, 09 Desember 2009
Ta'lim Al Qur-anil kareem
Buku-buku dan karya tulis yang membahas tentang ilmu menghafal Al Qur-an sangat sulit ditemui dalam bentuk bahasa Indonesia. Oleh karena itu, penulis merasa antusias dan teliti untuk membuat sebuah buku karena sifatnya yang sangat penting di akhir zaman seperti sekarang ini. Penulisan ini didasarkan pada pendidikan dan bimbingan menghafal Al Qur-an selama beberapa tahun yang dialami langsung oleh penulis.
Pada Bab pertama dalam bukunya ini, penulis menjelaskan tentang pentingnya menjaga keaslian Al Qur-an mulai dari zaman nabi Muhammad SAW sampai sekarang. Orang Arab zaman dulu, banyak yang tidak bisa baca tulis sehingga untuk mengingat kejadian masa lalu sepenuhnya hanya didasarkan pada hafalan. Begitu juga untuk mengingat ucapan Rasulullah yang bisa berupa hadits atau salah satu ayat dalam Al Qur-anul karim. Oleh karena itu, peran seorang hafidz begitu penting dalam urusan ini.
Pada zaman sekarang ini, memang banyak orang yang tidak memiliki ingatan sekuat para sahabat nabi dulu. Hal ini dikarenakan beberapa kendala yang semakin kompleks dari tahun ke tahun. Problematika ini berupa ayat-ayat yang sudah dihafal lupa lagi, banyaknya ayat yang serupa tapi tidak sama, gangguan kejiwaan dan gangguan lingkungan. Problematika ini dibahas dengan sangat rinci dalam buku ini serta disertakan juga beberapa tips untuk mengatasi masalah ini. Semua ini dijelaskan pada bagian kedua
Banyak sekali keutamaan yang diberikan Allah bagi orang yang membaca Al Qur-an. Seperti yang disebutkan dalam hadits yang diriwayatkan oleh Muslim : “Orang yang mahir membaca Al Qur-an kelak tempatnya bersama-sama para Nabi dan para Rasul. Dan orang yang ada kemauan untuk membaca Al Qur-an tetapi tertegun-tegun (susah lidahnya), kepadanya diberi dua pahala (satu pahala untuk kemaunnya dan satu pahala untuk membacanya).” Begitu besar penghargaan Allah bagi pembaca Al Qur-an. Akan tetapi, waktu untuk membaca Al Qur-an kadang tidak cukup dikarenakan banyaknya urusan dunia. Oleh karena itu, bila seorang muslim menghafal Al Qur-an, akan mudah baginya untuk membaca firman Allah ini kapanpun dan dimanapun.
Pada bagian Ketiga dalam buku ini, dijelaskan metode yang dianjurkan penulis untuk menghafal Al Qur-an. Seorang calon hafidz harus mempunyai niat yang ikhlas, menjauhi sifat-sifat madzmumah, bersedia mengorbankan waktu untuk menghafal dan mengulangi hafalan yang dimiliki agar bisa menghafal Al Qur-an secara sempurna. Penjelasan lebih lanjut tentang metode ini dapat dilihat langsung dalam buku ini yang dibuat secara gamblang dan mudah dipraktekkan.
Pada bagian terakhir, dijelaskan cara memelihara hafalan Al Qur-an menurut hadits dan telah dipraktekkan oleh sahabat nabi. Cara ini juga disertai dengan do’a yang telah dicontohkan nabi juga. Oleh karena itu, tidak sepatutnya seorang muslim merasa putus asa untuk menghafal dan memlihara hafalannya setelah beberapa lama.
Pada Bab pertama dalam bukunya ini, penulis menjelaskan tentang pentingnya menjaga keaslian Al Qur-an mulai dari zaman nabi Muhammad SAW sampai sekarang. Orang Arab zaman dulu, banyak yang tidak bisa baca tulis sehingga untuk mengingat kejadian masa lalu sepenuhnya hanya didasarkan pada hafalan. Begitu juga untuk mengingat ucapan Rasulullah yang bisa berupa hadits atau salah satu ayat dalam Al Qur-anul karim. Oleh karena itu, peran seorang hafidz begitu penting dalam urusan ini.
Pada zaman sekarang ini, memang banyak orang yang tidak memiliki ingatan sekuat para sahabat nabi dulu. Hal ini dikarenakan beberapa kendala yang semakin kompleks dari tahun ke tahun. Problematika ini berupa ayat-ayat yang sudah dihafal lupa lagi, banyaknya ayat yang serupa tapi tidak sama, gangguan kejiwaan dan gangguan lingkungan. Problematika ini dibahas dengan sangat rinci dalam buku ini serta disertakan juga beberapa tips untuk mengatasi masalah ini. Semua ini dijelaskan pada bagian kedua
Banyak sekali keutamaan yang diberikan Allah bagi orang yang membaca Al Qur-an. Seperti yang disebutkan dalam hadits yang diriwayatkan oleh Muslim : “Orang yang mahir membaca Al Qur-an kelak tempatnya bersama-sama para Nabi dan para Rasul. Dan orang yang ada kemauan untuk membaca Al Qur-an tetapi tertegun-tegun (susah lidahnya), kepadanya diberi dua pahala (satu pahala untuk kemaunnya dan satu pahala untuk membacanya).” Begitu besar penghargaan Allah bagi pembaca Al Qur-an. Akan tetapi, waktu untuk membaca Al Qur-an kadang tidak cukup dikarenakan banyaknya urusan dunia. Oleh karena itu, bila seorang muslim menghafal Al Qur-an, akan mudah baginya untuk membaca firman Allah ini kapanpun dan dimanapun.
Pada bagian Ketiga dalam buku ini, dijelaskan metode yang dianjurkan penulis untuk menghafal Al Qur-an. Seorang calon hafidz harus mempunyai niat yang ikhlas, menjauhi sifat-sifat madzmumah, bersedia mengorbankan waktu untuk menghafal dan mengulangi hafalan yang dimiliki agar bisa menghafal Al Qur-an secara sempurna. Penjelasan lebih lanjut tentang metode ini dapat dilihat langsung dalam buku ini yang dibuat secara gamblang dan mudah dipraktekkan.
Pada bagian terakhir, dijelaskan cara memelihara hafalan Al Qur-an menurut hadits dan telah dipraktekkan oleh sahabat nabi. Cara ini juga disertai dengan do’a yang telah dicontohkan nabi juga. Oleh karena itu, tidak sepatutnya seorang muslim merasa putus asa untuk menghafal dan memlihara hafalannya setelah beberapa lama.
Goal Setting for Muslims
by Ahmed Adam
Part 1 - Introduction, The Journey, The Importance of setting goals, Leading a balanced life, Focus is the Key, What goals should we pursue?
Introduction
S2, V156: “To God we belong, and to Him is our return”
The above verse beautifully encapsulates the simple yet voluminous answer to the question “what is the meaning of life?” that has plagued non-Muslim philosophers for centuries. The verse gives meaning to our day-to-day existence in this world and thus simultaneously gives us direction, comfort, solace, anticipation, hope, courage and fear.
We usually utter the above verse during times of difficulty or when we are informed that someone has died. However, life is such that we usually get into our daily routines fairly quickly and it is seldom that we take the time to ponder about our existence or about our life in this world. We take life as it comes. Furthermore, studies have shown that the majority of people fail to set any type of goals in their life and hence drift through the oceans of life like a raft on an uncharted stormy sea.
However, all of us, at some stage of our life, have set mini goals for ourselves called ‘New Year” resolutions. The reason for setting these goals is mainly because of the media coverage and because it is ‘fashionable’ to set ‘new year’ resolutions. Furthermore, we write down ‘new year’ resolutions because we have a feeling that we are lacking in some area of our life that we know that we should change, for example, we set a goal to lose weight or earn more money or stop smoking. However, we find that soon after making these ‘promises‘ to ourselves, we either forget about these goals, or we find that we simply do not have the time to carry them out, or sometimes we simply forget. Another year passes, and history repeats itself at the beginning of another year, and we once again set out to make a list of ‘new year’ resolutions or goals that we would like to accomplish in the coming year. But how many of us really accomplish our goals? How many of us really take the time to plan our goals? How many of us really know which goals are important?
The Journey
When we plan a long awaited overseas holiday or even a weekend trip, we usually go through much planning regarding every stage of the trip (e.g. tickets, itinerary, baggage etc). However, even though we plan a holiday in such detail, it is ironic that we sometimes don’t take the time to plan our life or even our journey to the Hereafter. We all know that someday we will all die. We all know that there is no escaping death. We all know that our life in this world is only a few seconds compared to the life in the grave and in the Hereafter. Yet, we do not take the time to plan for that journey. We live day in and day out, getting into a rut or a routine, where one day is no different from the next. Our journeys in this world are full of detailed planning and answers, yet our main journey, the most important journey of our life, is left to chance. The following table illustrates that we have more answers when it comes to planning a holiday then we do in planning our life.
Question
Journey in this world (Holiday e.g. Mauritius)
Journey to the Hereafter
Do you know where you are going?
Yes
No
- Could be Heaven or could be Hell
Do you know when you are going?
Yes
No
- It can be at any time-usually sudden
Do you know when you will be returning?
Yes
Never
– one way ticket
Do you know how long you will be gone?
Yes
– Few weeks
Forever
millions, millions …years
-Eternity
Do you have the opportunity to say farewell to friends & family before you go?
Yes
No
Do you know what currency to take?
Yes:
e.g. Travellers Cheques
Good deeds-
but have I saved enough?
Do you know what provisions to take?
Yes:
Clothes; jewellery documents; accessories; sunglasses; cell phone etc.
Yes
Few meters of white cloth only
Have you planned adequately for the journey?
Yes
I don’t know;
I haven’t thought about it much
The Importance of setting goals
A life without a plan is a plan for failure. People who do not set goals, drift aimlessly in life, from one day to the next, not really knowing where they are going and not knowing if they have arrived. Setting goals is important since it gives direction, meaning and purpose to our life. Goals can be long term, medium term and short term. Ultimately, the short term and medium term goals must link up to the long-term goals so that there is harmony and direction in our daily activities. The majority of people do not set goals for their life. This is a real pity since it is only by setting goals that we can unlock the tremendous potential that lies lurking within each of us. We will never know what we are capable of achieving if we do not set high enough goals for ourselves.
Leading a balanced life
If we agree that goal setting is important, the next obstacle to overcome is which goals are important. The majority of people only set financial goals. This type of thinking is ingrained in us from the time that we are in school. The only thing that matters is what career path we will choose and how much money we will earn so that we can buy all the luxuries of life and we can then be ‘independent.” Some people only set religious goals, others set only sporting goals, while other people do not set any goals at all. In our quest to find answers to a meaningful existence in life we obtain guidance from the Quran and from the Sunnah of prophet Mohammed . Islam is a way of life. This means that we should follow the “golden middle path” in everything that we do and we should not become extremists. If we set ourselves a goal that we want to do as much good as possible and pray as much as possible so that we can prepare for the Hereafter, then this is allowed provided that we do not harm either ourselves or anyone else in the process, as instructed by prophet Mohammed :
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.155 narrated by Abdullah bin Amr (RA)
God’s Apostle (SAW) said: “ Have I not been informed that you offer prayer all the night and fast the whole day? I said,”yes.” He (SAW) said, “ Do not do so; offer prayer at night and also sleep; fast for a few days and give up fasting for a few days because your body has a right on you, and your eye has a right on you, and your guest has a right on you, and your wife has a right on you…”
That is, our life must be in balance. There is no reward in activities that are pursued so excessively to the detriment of another part of our life. This example of prophet Mohammed gives us clear guidelines on leading our life: i.e. a balanced life is a harmonious life. A balanced life is the way of Islam. Islam teaches us not to be extremists: i.e. neither does too little nor does too much, but follow the Golden Balance. Furthermore, our life comprises many dimensions and we should strive to seek a balance between all these various facets of our life. When setting goals for ourselves, we should not only focus on financial goals even though these goals may seem like a high priority to us, especially when the economy is down and the outlook looks gloomy. We should not pursue this goal to the detriment of other goals in our life. On the other hand, we should not become so obsessed about another goal, for example, spending an excessive amount of time on developing the physical goal to the detriment of financial goals. There should be harmony and balance between all of the following goals:
(a) Financial Goals
(b) Religious Goals
(c) Intellectual Goals
(d) Social Goals
(e) Family Goals
(f) Personal Goals
(g) Philanthropic Goals
(h) Physical goals
[Editor's note: We will look at each of the above types of goals in detail over the coming weeks.]
Each person is a unique individual, and as such, each person decides ultimately what is important for him or her.
Focus is the Key
The successful achievement of any endeavor, any goal or any objective is solely dependent on one word: Focus. Without clarity of focus, you have a vague outcome. To achieve any goal, you must have a very clear mental picture of your goal (visualization). If you need to take a photo of someone, and if the camera is not focused, you obtain a blurred picture, which you discard. Similarly, in life, if the goal is not crystal clear and focused, one’s whole life becomes wishy-washy. If you pursue too many goals simultaneously, once again you lose focus, becoming the proverbial ‘Jack of all trades, master of none.” Islam has given us the key to our success in this world and in the Hereafter, namely Focus. Five times a day, the call to prayer is announced and the faithful face the Kiblah. The Kiblah gives direction. The Kiblah gives focus. The Kiblah serves as a daily reminder for our Final Goal. Furthermore, when we die, we are buried facing the Kiblah. The Kiblah serves as our focus in this world and during our thousands (or millions) of years in the Barzakh (grave) before our Day of Accountability. All thanks are due to God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, for giving us the wonderful gift of the Kiblah, to serve as a laser point, precise focus of direction for all Muslims throughout the world, so that we do not forget why we are here and we do not forget our Final Destination.
What goals should we pursue?
If humanity were left to their own devices, there would be disharmony and chaos. However, God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, has given us clear Guidance in the Quran and through the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). Without His Guidance, we would surely be lost in the abyss of darkness. If we decide to set certain goals for ourselves, our natural temptation would be to compete with our neighbours, or what we see on TV or read in the fashion magazines. We would assume that these goals are worthy challenges. However, God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate, gives us the following Clear Guidance:
S6, V164: Your goal in the end is towards God.
S42, V15: God will bring us together, and to Him is (our) final goal.
S40, V3: …There is no god but He: to Him is the Final Goal
S53 V42: to thy Lord is the Final Goal.
The above verses clearly indicate that our final goal is to God. No matter how we live in this world, no matter how many goals we pursue, the final and most important goal is to God. We are guaranteed that there will be Day of Accountability, where the Master of the Day of Judgment will judge all our actions and deeds. It therefore follows logically, that whatever we do, all our goals should be linked to the Final Goal. This means that a Muslim sets goals for himself/herself that are in harmony with our accountability in the Hereafter. A Muslim cannot set goals that will satisfy the latest fashion trends or what is seen on the television.
by Ahmed Adam
Part 1 - Introduction, The Journey, The Importance of setting goals, Leading a balanced life, Focus is the Key, What goals should we pursue?
Introduction
S2, V156: “To God we belong, and to Him is our return”
The above verse beautifully encapsulates the simple yet voluminous answer to the question “what is the meaning of life?” that has plagued non-Muslim philosophers for centuries. The verse gives meaning to our day-to-day existence in this world and thus simultaneously gives us direction, comfort, solace, anticipation, hope, courage and fear.
We usually utter the above verse during times of difficulty or when we are informed that someone has died. However, life is such that we usually get into our daily routines fairly quickly and it is seldom that we take the time to ponder about our existence or about our life in this world. We take life as it comes. Furthermore, studies have shown that the majority of people fail to set any type of goals in their life and hence drift through the oceans of life like a raft on an uncharted stormy sea.
However, all of us, at some stage of our life, have set mini goals for ourselves called ‘New Year” resolutions. The reason for setting these goals is mainly because of the media coverage and because it is ‘fashionable’ to set ‘new year’ resolutions. Furthermore, we write down ‘new year’ resolutions because we have a feeling that we are lacking in some area of our life that we know that we should change, for example, we set a goal to lose weight or earn more money or stop smoking. However, we find that soon after making these ‘promises‘ to ourselves, we either forget about these goals, or we find that we simply do not have the time to carry them out, or sometimes we simply forget. Another year passes, and history repeats itself at the beginning of another year, and we once again set out to make a list of ‘new year’ resolutions or goals that we would like to accomplish in the coming year. But how many of us really accomplish our goals? How many of us really take the time to plan our goals? How many of us really know which goals are important?
The Journey
When we plan a long awaited overseas holiday or even a weekend trip, we usually go through much planning regarding every stage of the trip (e.g. tickets, itinerary, baggage etc). However, even though we plan a holiday in such detail, it is ironic that we sometimes don’t take the time to plan our life or even our journey to the Hereafter. We all know that someday we will all die. We all know that there is no escaping death. We all know that our life in this world is only a few seconds compared to the life in the grave and in the Hereafter. Yet, we do not take the time to plan for that journey. We live day in and day out, getting into a rut or a routine, where one day is no different from the next. Our journeys in this world are full of detailed planning and answers, yet our main journey, the most important journey of our life, is left to chance. The following table illustrates that we have more answers when it comes to planning a holiday then we do in planning our life.
Question
Journey in this world (Holiday e.g. Mauritius)
Journey to the Hereafter
Do you know where you are going?
Yes
No
- Could be Heaven or could be Hell
Do you know when you are going?
Yes
No
- It can be at any time-usually sudden
Do you know when you will be returning?
Yes
Never
– one way ticket
Do you know how long you will be gone?
Yes
– Few weeks
Forever
millions, millions …years
-Eternity
Do you have the opportunity to say farewell to friends & family before you go?
Yes
No
Do you know what currency to take?
Yes:
e.g. Travellers Cheques
Good deeds-
but have I saved enough?
Do you know what provisions to take?
Yes:
Clothes; jewellery documents; accessories; sunglasses; cell phone etc.
Yes
Few meters of white cloth only
Have you planned adequately for the journey?
Yes
I don’t know;
I haven’t thought about it much
The Importance of setting goals
A life without a plan is a plan for failure. People who do not set goals, drift aimlessly in life, from one day to the next, not really knowing where they are going and not knowing if they have arrived. Setting goals is important since it gives direction, meaning and purpose to our life. Goals can be long term, medium term and short term. Ultimately, the short term and medium term goals must link up to the long-term goals so that there is harmony and direction in our daily activities. The majority of people do not set goals for their life. This is a real pity since it is only by setting goals that we can unlock the tremendous potential that lies lurking within each of us. We will never know what we are capable of achieving if we do not set high enough goals for ourselves.
Leading a balanced life
If we agree that goal setting is important, the next obstacle to overcome is which goals are important. The majority of people only set financial goals. This type of thinking is ingrained in us from the time that we are in school. The only thing that matters is what career path we will choose and how much money we will earn so that we can buy all the luxuries of life and we can then be ‘independent.” Some people only set religious goals, others set only sporting goals, while other people do not set any goals at all. In our quest to find answers to a meaningful existence in life we obtain guidance from the Quran and from the Sunnah of prophet Mohammed . Islam is a way of life. This means that we should follow the “golden middle path” in everything that we do and we should not become extremists. If we set ourselves a goal that we want to do as much good as possible and pray as much as possible so that we can prepare for the Hereafter, then this is allowed provided that we do not harm either ourselves or anyone else in the process, as instructed by prophet Mohammed :
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.155 narrated by Abdullah bin Amr (RA)
God’s Apostle (SAW) said: “ Have I not been informed that you offer prayer all the night and fast the whole day? I said,”yes.” He (SAW) said, “ Do not do so; offer prayer at night and also sleep; fast for a few days and give up fasting for a few days because your body has a right on you, and your eye has a right on you, and your guest has a right on you, and your wife has a right on you…”
That is, our life must be in balance. There is no reward in activities that are pursued so excessively to the detriment of another part of our life. This example of prophet Mohammed gives us clear guidelines on leading our life: i.e. a balanced life is a harmonious life. A balanced life is the way of Islam. Islam teaches us not to be extremists: i.e. neither does too little nor does too much, but follow the Golden Balance. Furthermore, our life comprises many dimensions and we should strive to seek a balance between all these various facets of our life. When setting goals for ourselves, we should not only focus on financial goals even though these goals may seem like a high priority to us, especially when the economy is down and the outlook looks gloomy. We should not pursue this goal to the detriment of other goals in our life. On the other hand, we should not become so obsessed about another goal, for example, spending an excessive amount of time on developing the physical goal to the detriment of financial goals. There should be harmony and balance between all of the following goals:
(a) Financial Goals
(b) Religious Goals
(c) Intellectual Goals
(d) Social Goals
(e) Family Goals
(f) Personal Goals
(g) Philanthropic Goals
(h) Physical goals
[Editor's note: We will look at each of the above types of goals in detail over the coming weeks.]
Each person is a unique individual, and as such, each person decides ultimately what is important for him or her.
Focus is the Key
The successful achievement of any endeavor, any goal or any objective is solely dependent on one word: Focus. Without clarity of focus, you have a vague outcome. To achieve any goal, you must have a very clear mental picture of your goal (visualization). If you need to take a photo of someone, and if the camera is not focused, you obtain a blurred picture, which you discard. Similarly, in life, if the goal is not crystal clear and focused, one’s whole life becomes wishy-washy. If you pursue too many goals simultaneously, once again you lose focus, becoming the proverbial ‘Jack of all trades, master of none.” Islam has given us the key to our success in this world and in the Hereafter, namely Focus. Five times a day, the call to prayer is announced and the faithful face the Kiblah. The Kiblah gives direction. The Kiblah gives focus. The Kiblah serves as a daily reminder for our Final Goal. Furthermore, when we die, we are buried facing the Kiblah. The Kiblah serves as our focus in this world and during our thousands (or millions) of years in the Barzakh (grave) before our Day of Accountability. All thanks are due to God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, for giving us the wonderful gift of the Kiblah, to serve as a laser point, precise focus of direction for all Muslims throughout the world, so that we do not forget why we are here and we do not forget our Final Destination.
What goals should we pursue?
If humanity were left to their own devices, there would be disharmony and chaos. However, God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, has given us clear Guidance in the Quran and through the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). Without His Guidance, we would surely be lost in the abyss of darkness. If we decide to set certain goals for ourselves, our natural temptation would be to compete with our neighbours, or what we see on TV or read in the fashion magazines. We would assume that these goals are worthy challenges. However, God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate, gives us the following Clear Guidance:
S6, V164: Your goal in the end is towards God.
S42, V15: God will bring us together, and to Him is (our) final goal.
S40, V3: …There is no god but He: to Him is the Final Goal
S53 V42: to thy Lord is the Final Goal.
The above verses clearly indicate that our final goal is to God. No matter how we live in this world, no matter how many goals we pursue, the final and most important goal is to God. We are guaranteed that there will be Day of Accountability, where the Master of the Day of Judgment will judge all our actions and deeds. It therefore follows logically, that whatever we do, all our goals should be linked to the Final Goal. This means that a Muslim sets goals for himself/herself that are in harmony with our accountability in the Hereafter. A Muslim cannot set goals that will satisfy the latest fashion trends or what is seen on the television.
Selasa, 24 November 2009
Topic 4
Poles Apart
Antartica and artic are both two poles in our earth. These two poles have many simillarities and also differencies. Antartica and Artic both of them are cool, but antartica is colder than artic. That happen because antartica is high covered by landmass of ice and cause only animal like pinguin that can live in there. These two poles are very important for human lives. Antartica is nearly twice than USA and . Because of that, antartica donate 80 percent of water supply to our earth. So, we must take care of these two poles.
Sabtu, 21 November 2009
Topic 3
GREEN REVOLUTION
Green revolution is a method in agriculture to double food pruduction which popularated during 1950-1980. But This solution however no longer become very successful. But this method only work effectively in certain condition such as using chemical fertilizers, insecticide and watering. But not all farmer can buy it. Because of that, many social and politic conflict happen between big farmer and small farmer. The rich people become more rich and rich and also the poor people become more poor and poor. So, right now we need a new method in agriculture which lest destructive and fufill daily needs.
Minggu, 08 November 2009
This is my first Essay in English, created in Indonesia 13 syawal 1430 H, because my English lecture advise me to make an essay about chemistry. Please add your comment about structure, vocabulary or it contents.
Simple Mass Spectograph (SMS)-Part 1
Thesis Statement : Mass Spectograph identify atomic weight in four steps, ionization, acceleration, deflection and detection.
The discovery of atomic structure become more complex from year to year. Part of atomic structure is proton, neutron and electron. Proton and neutron in core and electron in certain place outside core which can not be determined absolutely. The mass of electron is very smaller than proton and neutron. So, the mass of atom determined only by proton and neutron. Atomic mass is useful in many chemical reactions such as stoichiometry, radioactivity and others. Mass spectrograph is an instrument to identify atomic weight by four steps, ionization, acceleration, deflection and detection.
The first step is ionization. Ionization means that an atom forced to loose it electron and become positive ion. This is done because mass spectrograph only work with positive ion. Atom will be ionizated, entered into vacuum area and supplied with electricity. This electricity consists many electron which attack atom to loose it electron and go out to the ion repeller machine.
The following step is acceleration. This is done in order that all ion will has same velocity. Many ion from repeller machine will enter three gap. The gap structure is usual, intermediate and zero volt. All ion will be accelerated till focus ray formed.
Deflection is the next step. This part consists of magnet which very sensitive to consideration of atomic weight and netto of ion (w/n). The bigger w/n, the weaker an atom will be deflected. On contrary, the smaller w/n, the stronger an atom will be deflected.
The last is detection. Not all ion can pass through the third step caused there are ion stuck the wall before went out. The other ion which can slip the third step will collide metal box. The metal box will loose it electron and give it to ion and ion will be neutral atom. Because of that, electron space formed id est electron from metal box and and electron in cable. This electron in cable will be detected as electric current and become output. This output will determine atomic weight.
In short, spectrograph is useful to identify atomic weight. This instrument work so accurately by four steps described. This atomic weight will be used in daily needs as important substance in chemical reaction.
Wait the next episode in Physical Chemistry instrument.
Grow up, Indonesia!
Simple Mass Spectograph (SMS)-Part 1
Thesis Statement : Mass Spectograph identify atomic weight in four steps, ionization, acceleration, deflection and detection.
The discovery of atomic structure become more complex from year to year. Part of atomic structure is proton, neutron and electron. Proton and neutron in core and electron in certain place outside core which can not be determined absolutely. The mass of electron is very smaller than proton and neutron. So, the mass of atom determined only by proton and neutron. Atomic mass is useful in many chemical reactions such as stoichiometry, radioactivity and others. Mass spectrograph is an instrument to identify atomic weight by four steps, ionization, acceleration, deflection and detection.
The first step is ionization. Ionization means that an atom forced to loose it electron and become positive ion. This is done because mass spectrograph only work with positive ion. Atom will be ionizated, entered into vacuum area and supplied with electricity. This electricity consists many electron which attack atom to loose it electron and go out to the ion repeller machine.
The following step is acceleration. This is done in order that all ion will has same velocity. Many ion from repeller machine will enter three gap. The gap structure is usual, intermediate and zero volt. All ion will be accelerated till focus ray formed.
Deflection is the next step. This part consists of magnet which very sensitive to consideration of atomic weight and netto of ion (w/n). The bigger w/n, the weaker an atom will be deflected. On contrary, the smaller w/n, the stronger an atom will be deflected.
The last is detection. Not all ion can pass through the third step caused there are ion stuck the wall before went out. The other ion which can slip the third step will collide metal box. The metal box will loose it electron and give it to ion and ion will be neutral atom. Because of that, electron space formed id est electron from metal box and and electron in cable. This electron in cable will be detected as electric current and become output. This output will determine atomic weight.
In short, spectrograph is useful to identify atomic weight. This instrument work so accurately by four steps described. This atomic weight will be used in daily needs as important substance in chemical reaction.
Wait the next episode in Physical Chemistry instrument.
Grow up, Indonesia!
Jumat, 06 November 2009
Birth Rates in Indonesia
Birth Rates in Indonesia
Thesis Statement: Birth rates can be minimilized in two ways id est forming new regulation in marriage and doing family planning program seriously.
Population is very important to raise income of a country. Indonesia is one of the largest population in all over the world. But this much population does not followed by citizen creativity to create an inovation which can raise economy income. Because of that, this population must be decreased slowly. Birth rates minimilizing, is one of the solution. It can be done in two ways id est forming new regulation in marriage and doing family planning program seriously.
The first way is forming new regulation in marriage. The last regulation about marriage in Indonesia is seventeen years for women and twenty years for men. This regulation makes people disparage wedding ceremony. Many peoples want to do it because his age was fulfill the regulation. Because of that, many teenagers try very hard to get a couple and marriage easily. They think marriage is nice for them. It happen because they only think about sex. This thing will accelerate birth rates without improving human quality because his parents never think about children development.
Doing family planning program seriously, is the next step. During last period, family planning program only done in theoretically. Many citizens still never know exactly what purpose of this program. This happen because government announcement about this program never done directly to citizen, just from television and radio. This not effective, especially for people in village which never follow this family planning program.
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